![\"BebeSpiders1\"](\"http:\/\/wading-in.net\/walkabout\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/03\/BebeSpiders1.jpg\")
“Hello?”<\/p>\n“Hello?”<\/p>\n
“Hey, Al, whatcha up to this afternoon?”<\/p>\n
“Uhh, wrangling spiders.”<\/p>\n
Long pause. “Wrangling…”<\/p>\n
“Spiders, yes.”<\/p>\n
Another pause. “Is this difficult?”<\/p>\n
A shrug [yes, I shrug and gesture while on the phone.] “It’s frustrating at times, but a skill set like everything else.”<\/p>\n
“Probably not like everything else.”<\/p>\n
“Well, okay, true.”<\/p>\n
“So, why are you wrangling spiders?”<\/p>\n
“How else<\/em> are you going to get them to produce the right poses for pics?”<\/p>\n “Right, where was my mind at? Is this a regular Saturday afternoon practice?”<\/p>\n “No, only on the days that I discover a buttload of newborns swarming on the holly tree.”<\/p>\n “This occurs often, does it?”<\/p>\n “This is the first that I recall, actually.”<\/p>\n “So, I’m trying to picture this. Does it involve tiny little lassos?”<\/p>\n “Don’t be silly – they have less of a neck than Henry Rollins.”<\/p>\n “Poor things. What, then, does it involve?”<\/p>\n “Mostly choosing a useful setting, then trying to get them to remain on it while they’re dead set to run away. It involves a little probe, a card to scoop under them as they run across the table, and lots of patience in dealing with their draglines all over the place.”<\/p>\n “Why aren’t you photographing them where you found them?”<\/p>\n “I did, quite a few frames. But the wind isn’t cooperating and I wanted some shots detailed enough to submit for identification, or use for anatomical illustrations. So I opted for more controlled conditions.”<\/p>\n “I am inferring from this that they don’t take direction.”<\/p>\n “Not the newborns, no.”<\/p>\n “But the adults?”<\/p>\n “Not them either.”<\/p>\n “Three to four millimeters in body length.”<\/p>\n “You’re more nearsighted than I thought, aren’t you?”<\/p>\n “Well, a few thousand years ago I would have died early from mistaking a mastodon for a storm cloud.”<\/p>\n “Never take our modern life for granted. So, are you taking your mad spider skills on the circuit?”<\/p>\n “What, and sully the purity of the form?!<\/em>”<\/p>\n “I apologize – I’m thinking like a plebeian. Plus I imagine there isn’t much competition anyway.”<\/p>\n “What do you mean?”<\/p>\n “Well, I’ve never been in conversation with someone at a party and heard that they wrangle spiders.”<\/p>\n “You’re still not keeping up.”<\/p>\n “Ah. You’d have to be invited to a party first, wouldn’t you?”<\/p>\n “Yes.”<\/font><\/p>\n “Didn’t mean to rub it in. But tell me, why do they have ten legs?”<\/p>\n “What makes you say that they have ten legs?”<\/p>\n “Right. No, the front two are pedipalps. Pretty much like legs, but used for manipulating food and during sex. Normally they appear much smaller, but these are newborns so I suppose that’s the difference.”<\/p>\n “Al, you do<\/em> know that most people would find this creepy?”<\/p>\n “Yeah, but, you know? Most people need to get over it. Spiders aren’t very different from the rest of the arthropods, and certainly not dangerous – it’s so hard to actually tally the number of spider bites because the symptoms are identical to half a million other things, including tick bites and infections. Motor vehicles are thousands of times more dangerous and no one shrieks when they see one.”<\/p>\n “You’re pontificating. Almost like a blog post.”<\/p>\n “Sorry. I suppose you didn’t call to find out about spiders.”<\/p>\n “Yeah, actually, I was checking to see if you wanted to watch the game over a few beers.”<\/p>\n “No, seriously? Why would I want to do something that pointless?”<\/p>\n “Hey, a lot of people like it.”<\/p>\n “Yeah, go back to that pontification bit.”<\/p>\n “All right, never mind. Have fun with the spiders.”<\/p>\n “Thanks, actually, I am.”<\/p>\n [Yes, this is a fictional conversation – no one I know would have to ask about spider wrangling. Plus they’re familiar with pedipalps.]<\/font><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" “Hello?” “Hey, Al, whatcha up to this afternoon?” “Uhh, wrangling spiders.” Long pause. “Wrangling…” “Spiders, yes.” Another pause. “Is this difficult?” A shrug [yes, I shrug and gesture while on the phone.] “It’s frustrating at times, but a skill set like everything else.” “Probably not like everything else.” “Well, okay, true.” “So, why are you […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,4,3],"tags":[1676],"class_list":["post-10808","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","category-nature","category-photo","tag-creepy-is-what-creepy-does"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wading-in.net\/walkabout\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10808","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wading-in.net\/walkabout\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wading-in.net\/walkabout\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wading-in.net\/walkabout\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wading-in.net\/walkabout\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10808"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/wading-in.net\/walkabout\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10808\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wading-in.net\/walkabout\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10808"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wading-in.net\/walkabout\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10808"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wading-in.net\/walkabout\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10808"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}![\"BebeSpider2\"](\"http:\/\/wading-in.net\/walkabout\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/03\/BebeSpider2.jpg\")
“Just how big are we talking, here?”<\/p>\n![\"BebeSpider6\"](\"http:\/\/wading-in.net\/walkabout\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/03\/BebeSpider6.jpg\")
“I’m looking at the illustrations while we talk.”<\/p>\n