I’ve had discussions about evidence with a lot of people, mostly in the effort to establish to them that what they were relying on as their own “proof” was questionable at best – more often simply wishful thinking. Confirmation bias is perhaps the worst trait that humans have, allowing us to assure ourselves that we’re right, without all the hassle of actually establishing it. Very efficient, perhaps, but not terribly useful.
Absolutely no one, for instance, has accomplished the level of proof that I have, just yesterday. Forget grilled cheese sandwiches and silly little shrouds; it’s really hard to argue against finding this when I was clearing out a planter from last year:
That, my friends, cannot be mistaken for anything other than the Flying Spaghetti Monster – in the flesh, as it were, three-dimensional and fully flexible. If you still doubt, you should know that I made lasagna last night too, for the first time in ages. Coincidence? Try to explain that, Ken Ham!
I can only speculate as to the reasons why I was chosen, but I suspect it has something to do with self-importance. To that end, I’m going to make sure everyone possible knows that it was me, and not anyone else, who was favored in this way, so if you’re even thinking of disagreeing with me about anything, fuck right the hell off, y’hear?
On a related note, you can contact me to have your photo taken with the Flying Spaghetti Monster for only $39.95, and it’s possible I can arrange an appearance for your Bar Mitzvah or wedding consummation. In the meantime, remember: always grate your own romano.