Profiles of Nature 9

Dyeing poison frog Dendrobates tinctorius "Itch" doing pushups
This week, we meet Itch Diddli as he either practices placing his handprints on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, or pees on the ferns – we’re not exactly sure which, and it might be both. Itch hasn’t actually done any modeling yet, so all of his anecdotes are imaginary; even then, they’re kinda boring. He tried moving to a small town in rural Iowa to help speed his discovery by a top agent, because that was a way cooler backstory, but that hampered his ability to brag of hanging with Jones and Miller at a loft party, since there were no loft parties or even lofts, so he moved to New York and just counted on being able to say that he was discovered in Iowa. Unfortunately, he moved to Binghamton, believing this was near SoHo, and keeps trying to find the crosstown train. His favorite story, that actually bears a smidgen of truth, is about getting beat up when asking Sting (so he thought) for an autograph, which might have gone better if the woman hadn’t been having such a bad day. His primary hobby is giving the worst possible advice to schoolchildren, though he doesn’t know this yet. Itch lists the city he’d most like to live in as, ‘Eurasia,’ and his favorite Crusher Run is 3/4″.

We’ll be back next week – just you try and stop us! No, no, just you – not all of you, that’d hardly be fair now…