Profiles of Nature 22

head-on yellow-bellied slider Trachemys scripta scripta Ermintrude
This week we meet Ermintrude, who specializes in playing unsettling parts because, man, even those nostrils stare into your soul. Ermintrude didn’t actually ‘get a start,’ as such – she simply walked (slowly) onto a set and said, “Put me on the payroll,” and they did, afraid of what might happen if they didn’t. She’s actually a very nice person, but no one ever sticks around to find out; she was scheduled to be the second Profile of Nature, only it took us this long to finish interviewing her. And we’re still worried about how she might take this. Ermintrude was named after a great aunt – not her own, just one her parents had heard of, though they actually got the named mixed up with that lady that didn’t like oatmeal. She (Ermintrude, we mean,) (the present one, we mean,) is very active politically, running (slowly) for office at least three times a day and exercising her prerogative on a regular schedule; she insists she’s quite fit, but you know it’s hard to tell with turtles. She enjoys listening to Warren Zevon, which we consider physically impossible, so we’re guessing she’s trying to work some angle. She also owns property in seven states, or at least, she’s wee’d on it. Ermintrude’s favorite songbird is the one that goes, “zakka zakka phweet vornto vornto gobba snee wi shoy bay.”

Not to be a downer, but we haven’t even reached the halfway mark yet, so take a pill and come back next week!