Feeling kinda rushed? Trying to get a lot of things done and realizing that you’re way behind? Calculating your remaining time to the holidays and cursing math in general? Well, it’s not at all your fault, because today is You’re Supposed To Be Behind Day, another one of our eminently useful (and timely!) national holidays! Yes, this is an intended and perfectly natural thing, invoked magically by the very intrinsic nature of holidays and thus far more dependable than any religion has ever been. Take a deep breath and relax, revel in the day that’s been created just for slackasses, and let your worries vanish! Regardless of whether it all works out in the end, or even if you find yourself permanently ostracized from friends and family because you ended up giving gifts wrapped in WalMart bags, today it’s not just all right, it’s what you’re obligated to do.
This also means that, should you encounter anyone that appears to have their shit together, you can (and better) berate them fiercely for being unpatriotic and disrespectful. Seriously, have at it – this post is here for you to wield for proof as needed.
So stop refreshing that tracking page, forget about trying to find out if your Significant Other likes taupe or even what the hell taupe is, ignore the fact that you’ve completely forgotten about Great-Aunt Mabel and her allergies to butter and flour – honor the holiday and go listen to a podcast or amuse the cat with a laser pointer. Our forefathers would have died for this very right had they made it to the battle on time.
This holiday is only for today, however – tomorrow, it’s back to the normal stress and anxiety. But don’t worry about that right now.