Profiles of Nature 14

western lowland gorilla Gorilla gorilla gorilla Balthazaar pondering the meaning of hay
Our nature photography model this week is Balthazaar, also a drama coach, philosopher, father, and nativity display evaluator, here obviously disappointed at this disorganized mess. Balthazaar has been in the biz for over a decade and is highly sought-after by discerning art directors because of his chiseled features and extensive repertoire of legume trivia, which makes more sense if you’re familiar with art directors. He used to be incredibly shy, but got past this on the kindly advice of his ninth-grade teacher, who said, “Don’t.” [Amusingly, she had actually said, “Dolt,” which wasn’t discovered for years, but upon finally finding this out, Balthazaar thanked her anyway and then reported her to the school board for calling names.] Balthazaar collects the paper floor mats that mechanics put in your car, and often creates minor issues with his vehicle just to obtain more; as you might imagine, this has cost him quite a lot of money and has resulted in him having the transmission replaced seven times. Not that we’re saying anything. At some point in the future he would like to run for office because he really hates to see bare, uncluttered medians. He once said, “There’s a fine line between a reprimand and jail.” Balthazaar’s preferred dipthong is aʊ.

You don’t have to join us next week if you never leave!

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