Profiles of Nature 28

hamadryas baboon Papio hamadryas Prudence being a typically immodest simian
Yes, we’ve passed the halfway mark, but there’s still a lot more to go and no sign that actual humor might make the briefest appearance, much like Jimmy Fallon and just as unashamed and oblivious. This week we see Prudence in the profile pic for her OnlyFannies account, and you can interpret that in the American or British way – doesn’t matter, both accurate. Most people speculate that her name is what prompted her to enter into this line of work, that whole armchair psychology thing since the phrase “daddy issues” is becoming passé, while others speculate on the origin of the word “speculate” and wonder if it was really necessary to use it with this subject matter. Regardless, Prudence is quite happy with how she earns her living, and is starting a school on blatantly presenting the goods while not appearing to be blatant, which will (of course) have more subscribers than actual students so, really, she barely even needs to know what she’s talking about. And don’t ask where her left hand is. Prudence was teased all through school, but seriously, everyone was teased all through school, that’s what school’s for, so who gives a shit? And that’s all we’re gonna say about teasing. She does, however, give generously to charities such as Baboons Opposed to Oppressive BullieS and Forbidding Unwanted Remarks Beyond Ethically Redefined Gender Roles, but we suspect this is only for the bumper stickers. Prudence enjoys long walks on the beach, quiet bistros, remote mountaintops, and other locations where she can flash the hamster without cops ruining the shoot. Her favorite conspiracy is whether Gilligan was actually employed by industry rivals to keep Mr Howell out of the picture.

In some five billion years or so there won’t be a ‘next week,’ so there’s still hope. Be strong.

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