No one looks forward to this

… even the people that benefit the most from it – you’ll know why in a second, or if you’ve been paying attention to the past years’ posts on the sidebar there.

Yes indeed, Friday, October 15th is National Grouch Day, so you have plenty of time to prepare and find that it was all for naught as none of your plans come together; you can decide for yourself if this is appropriate for the holiday or just fucking typical. As if you couldn’t figure this out on your own, National Grouch Day is the day that all of us marginalized, despised, and mistreated cynics and curmudgeons have our day in the rain, allowed and encouraged to spread the misery to everyone that we can. You know those irrepressible people that seem to think everyone should be happy and grateful and upbeat all the damn time? Yeah, they’re not allowed to even utter a peep all day. They’re even required to take drugs that induce constipation, or at least be really hungover.

No, I’m lying, of course they’re not – no one seems to think those people should be inconvenienced in any way. Woke, my aching ass. So we’re on our own, as always, forced to make our own efforts to have people conform to a mindset that’s far more appropriate to our society. We’re the unsung villains, the ointment flies, the Debbie Downers that even make those cheerful shits useful, but will we ever gain recognition for that? Don’t make me laugh! [You couldn’t anyway.]

Not only that, but it isn’t on a Monday this year, instead a Friday, so everyone will go home and forget about it all over the weekend, just to make this almost entirely in vain. Start early, is my recommendation.

As I have with years past, I am providing a few ideas (not that you need them) to enjoy observe the holiday in the proper manner. The aim is to produce our level of grouchiness, not to be an asshole because those are a dime a dozen; that means we participate as much as anyone else, and we’re not permitted to even find this amusing. I provided a link for that unfamiliar word, and naturally it fails to define it anyway.

So, suggestions (that you’ll ignore):

  • Eat something that gets stuck in your teeth right before a meeting or date
  • Use the stupidest movie quotes you can find, frequently
  • Put a notch in your nail clippers
  • Give directions (and follow them yourself) that always route through construction zones
  • Buy the cheap socks and underwear
  • Answer or comment on everything in your social media feed. Also, forward the most inane stuff you can find
  • Play Frisbee in a crosswind
  • Develop that braying, snorting laugh
  • Randomly hit numbers on your phone during a conversation
  • Try to find a decent movie on a free streaming service
  • Play spice roulette, especially for an important meal
  • Read past performance evaluations. Or think about exes
  • Ask a complicated question right at the tail end of the meeting or class
  • Watch DIY videos by people who don’t understand lighting, preparation, or voiceovers
  • Read anything by Ayn Rand
  • Disparage NASCAR in any southern state
  • Use a sticky bookmark
  • Put a loose bowling ball in the trunk of someone’s car
  • Use an Etch A Sketch on a bus
  • Quote Ayn Rand
  • Watch NASCAR
  • Ask someone if they remember something far older than they are
  • Bend your scissors
  • Compliment someone’s taste in the opposite sex (they’ll never know if you’re being sarcastic or not)
  • Originally, I had,

  • Congratulate an anti-vaxxer on their efforts in getting people vaccinated (“Nobody listens to you”)
  • … but realized that was far too much fun for the holiday. By all means, do this as frequently as possible, just not on Friday.

    I had also asked The Manatee (no relation to The Girlfriend, despite the first names) if he had any suggestions, and he came up with,

  • Propose something cool and idea-generating with almost no lead time so if someone wants to participate they either have to whip something out off the top of their head, or not participate
  • … which seems more specific than it needs to be, which I find annoying.

    However you do it, make sure you embrace the holiday just long enough to make it uncomfortable, and then a little longer yet. Everyone will still be back to glorifying good moods in no time, the turds.