Profiles of Nature 18

it's just a goat, I'm not trying to determine the breed, but his name is Osmar, okay?
Welcome back – it’s good to see you again! [I told you they hadn’t gotten any brighter – pay up, dawg!] Our model this week is Osmar (one syllable,) a recent arrival in the states from New Mexico – which is still in the states, but it’s disturbing how many people don’t know that (mostly Republicans, we’re betting.) Osmar, as might be obvious, specializes in dual roles, multiple personalities, and of course, modeling for that boy-band, ‘what-the-fuck-is-a-comb?’ look. He doesn’t actually have a midsection at all – there’s just a void, due to a mishap on the dynamic range when he was in the military, but he’s turned that to his advantage because it’s easier to Photoshop in whatever waistline is desired. Osmar has trust issues, though, due to few people maintaining eye-contact with him for more than a second or so but, seriously, can you blame them? Damn. He was pushed into modeling on the failed aspirations of his father, who had attempted to become clay but couldn’t pass the regionals. He’s really tired of being asked to go mountain-climbing, nothing to do with stereotyping, he just despises the type of people and has been known to mutter, “‘Because it’s there!‘ Vapid dingwalladers.” Osmar hopes to make his first million by the time he’s thirty, but he didn’t specify the “what” for either number, which would have pissed off our 9th-grade science teacher no end, but so did everything else so who cares? His favorite symbol to mispronounce and misuse is §.

Next week. Thing. Be there and be square.

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