Profiles of Nature 25

male and female African lions Panthera leo Haafiza and Waldwick nuzzling
It’s Pride Month, isn’t it? Okay, then.

This week we have Haafiza and Waldwick, Haafiza showing some suspicion of why Waldwick was out so late. Their’s is one of those celebrity romances that usually last about a year and a half. They met 17 months ago on the set of Second Breakfast at Tiffany’s, the upcoming film about a hobbit that seeks to culturize a collection of dwarves, with Haafiza cast in the part of Holly Gohelmsplitting. It was a whirlwind romance, even after Waldwick got dropped from the role of Mr. Yunioshi, and the tabloids were aquiver (because of the whirlwind of course.) Soon after, things got a little rocky, mostly because of the rumors circulating among the tabloids: Haafiza was claimed to have been well-behaved in public, and sources revealed Waldwick had never slept with James Caan – Hollywood can be vicious. Despite all this, their careers are on track, and no, we’re not gonna make a joke about trains. Both are pulling down hefty salaries and are in high demand among casting directors – yet, Waldwick is ready to retire and raise baking soda while Haafiza is intending to pull a Fonda-Hepburn. Nobody really cares either way, as long as they occasionally get to see some skin. Haafiza is proud (you knew we’d get there eventually) to say that Kaplansky’s conjectures are the most intriguing mathematical conundrums, while Waldwick insists it’s the Zarankiewicz problem.

Periodicity – repeat. Despair.