This week we’re meeting Telemachus, just discovering that if you run into a door and you’re covered with spikes, this really hurts. Telemachus wants to be one of the top stuntcaterpillars in the business, and since there are presently no stuntcaterpillars in the business (this being Busby’s Budget Bookbindery in Brisbane,) he’s got both ends of that spectrum licked, actually. This is perhaps good, because he’s kinda hard on airbags and got stuck fast to the big stone ball in the defiled temple, but the blooper reel is gonna be fire, or yeet, or some such genz term. Telemachus is extremely devout, saying a prayer before each stunt and very often afterwards too, though those are mostly about walking again. He donates no money to the church, however, because “donate” does not involve guilt-trips or pious extortion, and are usually for good causes and not billboards trying to find the six people on the planet that have not actually heard of jesus. His hearing is terrible right now, so he’s saving up to visit a mohel and correct this (you probably don’t want to look that up if you didn’t get it.) He does not actually glow in the dark – I know, we were disappointed too. He also has a distinct fear of flying, so things are going to take a sharp downturn later in the summer (stay with us, here.) Telemachus dreams of having a lot of kids eat shit and die; school was not kind to him. His favorite thing to wonder why his grandmother had is a glass menagerie.
If you join us next week, we’ll promise not to continue this until the end of the year, but we’ll still justify doing it anyway by the fact that you keep coming back.