Profiles of Nature 56

turkey vulture Cathartes aura "Justus" hidden behind one wing
Hey, we went over a month this time, and it’s been a year since the topic should have died yet we only have four extra episodes, so don’t go complaining.

This Profiles we find Justus demonstrating why birds should never daydream, at least while flying – we swear we saw a Batman visual sound effect flash for a moment when this happened (it was, “Kabash!“) Up until this point at least, Justus was a leading action star in his native Turkey, and even though everyone knows it’s all stuntbirds doing the rough stuff, this image probably isn’t going to help his career any. The promotional posters of his bare, carunculated, magenta head were actually what started the trend of guys shaving their domes to look sexy, because baldness is much more virile when it’s intentional – don’t ask us how that works, we haven’t the faintest. If we shaved our heads, they’re just more acreage for zits, you know? Justus was considering a change of genre anyway, aiming for more dramatic roles like the inevitable remake of Freddy Got Fingered, because if you’re going to demonstrate no efforts at writing something original, you might as well use something that wasn’t written in the first place – we’re pretty sure that movie came from someone digging through the layers of old posters on bulletin boards in ‘hip’ coffee shops. No, we never saw it – we just saw the trailers, and they were enough. But back to Justus, who has been expanding his acting chops from “intense” to “brooding” and even “chagrined,” because drama demands so much more – we’re not talking about Tom Cruise here, even subconsciously. His acting coach (Justus’, not Tom’s, but we probably didn’t need to say that) insists that he’s almost got it down to perfection, and will just need a few more visits to really hone his art, though the coach used to be a chiropractor so we know where this is going – the coach’s yacht is bigger than Justus’. Will this genre change work for him like it did Johnny Depp, or will it be more like Johnny Depp? Only time will tell, and then only for writing credit. Justus admits that he doesn’t have a favorite food, but does have a favorite bowel movement, and we cut it off right there – hard as it may be to believe, we have some class.

Wow, the last four Profiles have been birds, haven’t they? We’ll have to correct that. Didn’t that single sentence fill you full of dread? We live for this.

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I just have to add that this image was obtained today, and while it’s simply a vulture sunning itself, it suggested so much that I ended up doing a small edit to carry the idea better:

Don't text and fly. Don't text, any how

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