Profiles of Nature 23

thread-legged assassin bug Stenolemus lanipes Adelgiso
Has it been a week already? Boy, time flies when you’re dreading something, doesn’t it? So today we meet Adelgiso, demonstrating that full-bodied mousse and cleaning out the shed do not go together. Adelgiso is a dancer, to no one’s surprise, specializing in performing interpretive dances to repair manuals and Ikea instructions; most people agree that his Lycksele Lövås (shown here) is breathtaking. His dad was upset that he wasn’t following in the family business (which is assassination,) but Adelgiso shot back, “Hey, you told me I’m killing you, so live with it!” – he should have his own sitcom. Back in school, however, he had his sights set on blue collar work, and reasoned that no one had yet become the most-famous road sign erector, so the role was invitingly open. His dreams were dashed when someone a year ahead of him snagged the title, so he turned to dance because it seemed similar; Adelgiso was never much on research. He was one of the earliest investors in cryptocurrency, only it was the kind that involved tombs and mausoleums; their motto was, “You can take it with you!” It tanked, though, and Adelgiso is presently 32 ossuaries in debt. Wisely, he’d insured his knees for 2.8 million dollars beforehand, which has induced his insurance company to whack at least five goons sent by the loan shark. Adelgiso’s favorite candy to gag over is a circus peanut.

If you don’t join us next week, we’ll send someone over to bring this to you anyway, likely at a very inconvenient time, so you might as well save us both the trouble.

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