Do not read tag under penalty of law

It’s January, and that day you’ve been dreading is nigh – really, I don’t know why you keep reading this blog when you know what’s going to happen. Yes, I’m talking about the annual tag roundup, the time when we look back over the post tags that had only one use within the 1500-plus posts to see just why this might be.

On most blogs and suchlike phenomena, it’s because the topic has only been tackled once, and I have plenty of those; species names, mostly, but the names of articles that have been lambasted also get in there, and some topics that simply never came up again. But in these cases, it’s because the tag serves as additional commentary, usually something snarky from the little guy sitting on one of my shoulders, who has plenty of space up there because angels and devils are mythological and ludicrous. Unlike, you know, a sardonic alter-ego… can it be an alter-ego if my regular personality is snippish to begin with?

Pointless introspection aside, let’s dig to the bottom of the barrel and see what kind of muck has accumulated down there. Clicking on any of the tags will, naturally, take you to the post in question, probably making these the least-clicked links on the blog. I’ve said before that I’ll never have advertising on this site, but funny, I’ve never been asked either…

yeegads it doesn’t even have pincers or spikes or nothin’ – And you know how rare that is for this site.

stay on your side of the fence boah – Nature photography does have its hazards.

don’t roll your eyes at me – Also, “fitty towsen” and, really, every tag on that post.

boy that Turing – what a smart guy! – Too clever for my own good. Don’t make me explain this.

and that was the last we saw of Al – No such luck. But additionally, “I used to bullseye wharf roaches in my T-16 back home.” A case where the remainder of the movie quote is commentary on its own. Except I didn’t directly quote the movie, so if you don’t recognize how I altered it, good luck finding it…

the bitch hit me with a toaster – While I’m on the subject of movie quotes. That post has a fine selection of pop culture references that probably reflect my age too well. Also, “ya got any cornbread?”

uncooperative distant pedestrians – And how many times have we all thought exactly the same thing?

The little dickens – I was particularly proud of this one – don’t know why I never included it before.

tell me dammit – Didn’t work anyway.

that’s just you know my opinion man – It would work better if I could put commas in tags, but commas separate tags, so it’d come up as multiple tags of sentence fragments. But this post, a hugely important event in history, also includes “maybe I’d retire if this had helped pay for it” and more!

that’s how Maude bought it you know – Bet you’ve forgotten about this already. And if you have to ask what I’m talking about, I’m just going to tell you that you need to be on the webbernets more.

no it’s not a fucking ‘beanie’ jesus christ – Does it make you feel old when you use the same term that you’ve used for years and suddenly no one knows what the hell it means? But we go to the very next post for,

no combovers there either – Which is kind of a dirty trick, because it might take a bit of reading to get the reference, but I’m evil that way.

I didn’t want to see it in motion thank you very much – Also, “phlegm zeppelin,” which is an even better term than trash panda. With video!

of course I want cheese with it – Subtle, perhaps.

Hey I’m biking here! – Also “fly much Ten-Thousand-Eyes?” and “OMG I just hit somebody LOL Im such a klutz!”

bug photographers definitely gonna die out – I have no illusions.

butthole pachinko – Which also features “snotty chinos,” so you can see my dilemma in determining which should lead off. However, neither of these are actually mine, so there! Blame zefrank on this one (and go to that link.)

oh go ahead if you must – You’ll make me blush.

maybe “bugs and spiders” isn’t as much of a draw as I thought – Also, “first off stop whining.” But I said we were setting the pointless introspection aside…

how many horses ya got under that hood? – I can still see the car driving off…

Beau Blass or some shit – Also, “eradicate neckties now.” Join the movement!

Penultimately, we have “made you look!” and “now tell me if I missed any,” both tags on last year’s tag post, buried in among all of the others which I put in there partially to keep them from reappearing each year. Plus some other stuff. But I’d missed one: “spellcheck doesn’t like “Batlizard””… and nobody told me! Was this a practical joke, or do you mean to tell me no one checks all those tags at the bottom to ensure that I haven’t snuck in something?

Finally, “not to be confused with National S’More Time Day which is a fake holiday started by Hersheys” and “I myself follow the booby calendar” are both from the list of 2018 holidays, and that’s my segue, so let’s take a look at the holidays we all celebrated in the past year:

Find Something Hidden In The Shadows Day, January 29th

Ignore An Utterly Pointless Holiday Day, February 2nd

Relate An Obscenity-filled Story Day, March 21st

Put Something Off Until The Last Minute Day, April 26th

Relate Something That Happened Last Night That Has Nothing To Do With Alcohol Day, May 27th

Do Additional Research for a Blog Post Day, June 22nd… which some people might have found to be a load of fun, but I was working, so no time for levity. Even when it appeared so, I was just playing the part. Not done yet either, so the post is still is the works.

National Pointless Podcast Day, July 20th. No, I only celebrate this once a year – what’re you getting at?

Highly Debatable Humor Day, August 27th

International Look Back and Wonder What Happened Day, September 24th.

International I Need Some More Time Day, October 31st

Sudden Insight Day, November 17th

And of course, Forget Something Important Day, December 13th.

We’ll go back to the tags for a moment. To do these lists, I do a SQL query in the blog database that not only lists the tags, but how often they’ve appeared, so I can sort by the ones that have only appeared once (over 3300 at this point, when I’ve only done a little over 1500 posts.) On occasion, I spot a single-use tag that I’m almost positive should have been used more often – then I realize what happened. The spreadsheet that I use to do the sort has a spellcheck function, as does the blog – but this doesn’t apply to the tag window. Which is kind of small, and I’m often throwing them in there, and they can even scroll out of sight, so misspellings get in there from time to time. The spreadsheet can spot these of course, but it also picks up lots of proper names and scientific names that are spelled correctly, and things that I purposefully don’t capitalize like “christian,” as well as words that somehow never made it into the computer’s dictionary like “clickbait” and “fartsy” and “asshat.” But here are a small handful of the single-use tags that I wasn’t paying close enough attention to:

  • Amercian dream
  • Dayight Saving Time
  • Gerogia Sea Turtle Center (this is the one that caught me, since I’ve featured the place numerous times.)
  • healh
  • NC Musuem of Life & Science
  • not exactly photojurnalism
  • one goddman thing after another
  • pattern recogniton
  • praire kingsnake
  • resiving images
  • stablity
  • won’t somebody please think of the chidlren?
  • And now for some meaningless statistics. Last year contained 162 posts, which is about average among a fairly wide range (1 post in 2008, but c’mon, I started the blog December 27th, to 215 posts in 2017,) while I uploaded 496 photos, tied with last year – well above average, but still a far cry from 2017’s count of 706 photos. However, in July of 2018 alone I uploaded 103 images, which topped all other months to date – that’s largely due to this post with 29 photos alone, but this one and this one and this one had 14, 15, and 14 respectively. So I can’t feel too bad about the end of the year getting kinda slow.

    There will be a small handful of photos from last year that never made it into posts coming along, but this one is long enough for now – plus the more I stretch it out, the higher the post count goes, right? Get that headstart on a new record. So check back shortly – I’m still plugging away here despite the crummy weather.