We almost forgot that today is the birthday of Wamleigh Hütenverschnippi, a name we should all know much better than we do, since this is the person responsible for cameras looking they way that they do today.
Hütenverschnippi was an early photographer, back when great big bellowy cameras and glass plate negatives were in use, and while he was pretty accomplished at this, he had a hard time being taken seriously because of his last name, a prejudice that we cannot understand or relate to in the slightest (*cough cough*). People would watch him at work, desperate to justify their ill-disguised contempt of him because they couldn’t actually pronounce his name, and say derisive things such as, “So all you do is just press that little lever, huh?” Back then, of course, cameras had an aperture setting and a method for moving the front standard, and the shutter release – that was about it, while the functions of changing plates safely, calculating exposure, and achieving sharp focus were important but hardly impressive-looking.
Annoyed that his technical know-how was dismissed so cavalierly, Hütenverschnippi tore apart a couple of old pocket watches and attached various bits to his camera, with which he would twiddle with his free hand while adjusting the focus, even suddenly telling his subjects to freeze while he leaned forward and did some other nonsense with one of these additions. In this manner, he convinced onlookers that photography required some esoteric and horribly complicated knowledge. Later on, he added the occasional muttered instruction to himself, such as, “Better add a quarter-bunt to that,” or, “About five to eight benfers should do it,” all while fingering his bits.
When some sharp-eyed observes appeared to notice that these watch parts didn’t seem to actually move, Hütenverschnippi got more creative and attached real levers and toggles and dials to his camera, still doing absolutely nothing but now appearing much more functional. He also would ‘make the rounds’ of these in an extremely rapid manner, flipping and probing as many as he could within a second or two, giving the appearance that he had ultimate mastery of this ridiculously complicated device.
People became absolutely enamored of this, and while failing to understand just what was being done with them (despite Hütenverschnippi’s quickly-relayed instructions along the lines of, “This ensures the parlesters synchronize to the vemmelays in accordance with Zepster’s Law,”) they adored the delightfully technical and fidgetty aspect of his camera, and often offered appreciable sums of money to purchase it. This opportunity was not lost on Hütenverschnippi, who soon began to market his own brand of camera which he wisely decided to brand as one of his nonsense words instead of his name. Thus was born, “Agfa.”
Hütenverschnippi’s cameras naturally became immensely popular, with numerous photographers confidently making adjustments to the needless complications all over the bodies and convincing themselves that these were the best photos they’d ever taken, all the time denying to themselves that they hadn’t the faintest idea what the fuck they were doing. Hütenverschnippi also supplied manuals with his cameras, the first to do so, which were responsible for the adoption of numerous different photographic terms into the lexicon, among them, “f-stop,” “bokeh,” “chromatic aberration,” “ASA,” “reciprocity,” “barrel distortion,” “Rule of Thirds,” and, “Leica,” none of which had the slightest actual meaning. He also realized that weight equaled value, and added slabs of lead to his cameras to make them even more popular.
Unfortunately, other camera manufacturers began following suit, and ensured that their levers and dials would cause some change to be visible in the camera or viewfinder, regardless of actual effect. Hütenverschnippi attempted to file a lawsuit over these infringements, discovering to his chagrin that bullshit was not actually copyrightable, paving the way for future companies like Apple and Tesla.
To this day, Hütenverschnippi’s ploy remains extremely active in marketing, and countless camera bodies offer options and functions such as, “second curtain sync,” “AI Servo Autofocus,” “noise reduction,” “auto-bracketing,” and, “high dynamic range,” none of which do anything or are actually tried out by any photographers, ever. They blithely discuss the merits of Evaluative Metering and iTTL flashes, the photographers’ equivalent to speaking in tongues, while their ranks remain free of those who look at the arrays of buttons and doodads with horror – in other words, honest people.
And so, every time you come across a camera that has more controls than a nuclear submarine, or a photographer that speaks ‘knowledgeably’ about white balance or recommends trying your hand at chiaroscuro, you can thank Hütenverschnippi, or Wamleigh if you like, or just, “that Agfa guy.” His legacy, if not his name, will carry on for eternity.
Last year The Girlfriend bought seven or eight grapevine seedlings, but they remained in temporary pots while we waited for a contractor to remember that they still had a job to finish (shocking, I know,) since the location we wanted for the arbor was too close to where the contractors would be working. So they stalled in pots until mid fall before getting planted. They’d barely started climbing the arbor this year, mostly trying to run sideways instead and interfere with each other, but the seedless Marquis vine popped forth this little cluster, surprising us. Unfortunately, the deer discovered them just a couple days ago, and so we won’t have the bountiful harvest this year. Still, we believed grapevines took a few years to mature before bearing fruit, so this was a great sign at least.
